I get into these modes where I never feel like I’m doing enough. Even if I am but on the same coin I also don’t have the patience to even sit down and watch a show. The mere idea that I can follow a plot right now is just off the table.
I loathe when I get like this yet I have a terrible time using the tools I’ve been given to try and calm these emotions.
Let me explain. I need to meditate and ground myself so I can experience the emotions I push down that swirl and probably make me feel this way. But I avoid it.
Facing the fact that I hate where I live, the people around me and that it’s not going to go away till I have enough money to leave are truths I hate.
I feel lonely and defeated but I keeping going. All the while I just want to sleep or scream.
In closing I say that it’s 10:38 at night and I want to ground myself in the morning. Not right now. I want to sleep. Despite the fact that I’ve slept about 15 hrs last night plus time during the day which is not good.
Before I make my journey to dreamland I’m gonna take some deep breaths and cry. Cause feeling your emotions is the best way to be at peace with yourself and your life. These negative emotions never last and that’s something we all need to remember.
AHHHHH that’s my internal scream.
Lots of love and strength ~ ☁️